Thursday, April 12, 2012

TTT: Mind Jumble

Sometimes, it's best if I just get out all the thoughts in my head. Now, I won't be sharing everything with you because I doubt you would want to read it all. I just need to focus a little and these topics may be relevant to others.

Habits: both good and bad. I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking about changing habits. I have made progress over the years to shed some of them that I developed growing up. When you are raised by a parent with bi-polar disorder, despite not suffering the same ills, you do still alter behaviors to suit them. It sucks but all can be overcome with time and persistance. Not that I'm blaming all of my habits on my upbringing, mind you.

One way I used to "deal" with my childhood was by drinking, and at times, using various drugs to basically forget it all. I would not classify myself as being an alcoholic or anything, though there were times I did drink daily with friends. I started this at a young age with friends who came from similar households. We didn't talk too much about our parents, but we all just knew. This continued until my mid-20's when I decided enough was enough. I was getting to the point where I didn't want to spend my free time in a bar doing the same thing and socializing with the same people day in and day out.

I successfully dropped this habit and started confronting my issues head on. This was what prompted me to cut myself from contact with my family as things were just not changing on their end. I've talked more about this before (and like I've said before, I do not want to hear that I'm doing the wrong thing but if you have more questions, I am willing to answer them). I am possibly doing another piece for school that deals more with the abuse I have encountered over the years, expanding into the abusive relationships I had with men during this time.

I didn't really mean for this to get so personal... but I'm a believer in being honest and since this is a series of habits that I have overcome, I think it's important to get down. There are other things I want to work on; habits to change and develop that will be vital to me eventually working for myself. As much as I like to learn on my own through experience, sometimes it may be better to learn from someone else. Rachel posted today about a book she is working though that sounds interesting to me and that I will be picking up soon myself.

Master or a Jill-of-all-trades. I've mentioned many times how I love to learn and explore new things. This has been a life-long trait and one that I do not want to go away. However, I think I'm hitting the point in my life where my explorations need to be more focused on a few things.

(As a side note: I went through a similar, though smaller, experience when it comes to music. When I was a teen, I loved to listen to everything. I used to want a huge library of music and soaked it all up. Then, as time went on, I have noticed that my tastes have narrowed. This is what I'm sensing in other parts of my life.)

I have one thing as an example of something that I really don't need to learn. I hate cars. Everything about them, including driving. Unfortunately, where I live, it is almost a necessity to have one. Not impossible, mind you, but almost with the schedule I have. Our public transportation does not run around the clock and does not cover all areas. I work in city limits but the bus does not come anywhere near my workplace. Despite hating cars, I used to think it would be fun to learn how to restore an older car and then maintain it. But why? In my head this may sound fun, but I do know myself and it really wouldn't be what I think it is.

So in addition to everything else I have going on, I have been trying to take time to examine my interests and those things I think I want to pursue. Essentially, I try to do too much at times and then I want to take on even more? We all have a limited time on this planet and I am in the process of deciding how I want to spend that time.

Well I think I have rambled on enough for today. I am in great need of a walk before I go to work for the evening. Feel free to weigh in on these topics, if you wish, and if Becca posts today, I will be linking up with her for Thursday Think Tank.


moira said...

what a really interesting post. I'm finding that I am reassessing things ever since I had my little boy 7 months ago. It's good to have a mental declutter every now and then and to clarify your take on yourself, I think. It is also important to give yourself a break, not be so hard on yourself - this is a habit I am in the process of breaking I hope. Hope you enjoyed the walk :)

Sana Saroti said...

Thanks for sharing all those thoughts! Thinking is a good thing, but most of the times it's even better to say it out loud! You are on a good track, I believe! Have a nice weekend!